Book Review: *The Ten-Year Nap* by Meg Wolitzer

Back of the book blurb:  For a group of four New York friends the past decade has been defined largely by marriage and motherhood, but it wasn’t always that way.  Growing up, they had been told that their generation would be different.  And for a while this was true.  They went to good colleges, and began high-powered careers.  But after marriage and babies, for a variety of reasons, they decided to stay home, temporarily, to raise their children.  Now, ten years later, they are still at home, unsure how they came to inhabit lives so different from the ones they expected—until a new series of events begins to change the landscape of their lives yet again, in ways they couldn’t have predicted.

She is Too Fond of Books’ review:  I have mixed feelings about this book.  When I was asked to review it, the summary I read was a bit different from the one above, it read:  [Meg Wolitzer] explores the lives of once professional working women who have traded in the work place for full time motherhood. These women, each differently dynamic, offer a glimpse into the homes of women who never went back to work after having their babies. The book takes an intelligent yet emotional look at being a women, a mother and family life in both the city and suburbs of America.   I immediately e-mailed the publicist, “Yes!  This is my life.” 

I was looking forward to reading about women who I would identify with, those who have chosen to stay home with their children and, now that their kids are a little older, have some time to devote to interests or causes outside the home.  I was hoping to read about women who are actively trying to find their niche, something to create a balance between home and an outside-of-home alter ego of sorts.

Wolitzer’s writing is keen and detailed with slices of life that were immediately recognizable to me  These are the thoughts of Amy, perhaps the strongest main character.  She is a former attorney who has been at home since the birth of her son ten year’s earlier; now that he is older …

There were empty segments of time in the day, and Amy had become highly aware of them.  She had only infrequently regretted being at home with Mason when he was little; there had been boring times and maddening times, but there were moments when he wanted only her, and there were also sudden bursts of the extraordinary.  There was always so much to do:  There were lists and plans and schedules that were essential to a well-run household and that were still laughably, almost hysterically, tedious.  You, the brainy, restless female, were the one who had to keep your family life rolling forward like a tank.  You, of all people, were in charge of snacks.  Your hands tore apart the cellophane on six-packs of juice boxes, while your head cocked to hold a cordless phone into which you spoke the words “Maureen?  Hi, it’s Mason Buckner’s mom.  I’m calling to set up a playdate with Jared.”

You had to say “playdate” – that nonword that had been so easily welcomed into the lexicon – and you had to say it without irony.

Rather than connect with the women in the book, I was disappointed that they considered their time at home with their families to be a nap, a speed-bump that slowed them down on the path to something bigger and better.  None of the women were eager to get back to the careers they had before children, they weren’t really driven to do anything specific, for the most part they just wanted to be doing “something” now their children were more independent.  Any lifestyle changes that occurred were more the trickle-down effect of bigger changes outside their control than a conscious choice.

Even though it wasn’t a huge hit for me, The Ten-Year Nap has many qualities that might make it a good choice for you.  It was a “cozy” read; there’s no gratuitous sex, no violence, very little swearing.  The author makes an interesting comparison between this generation of women and that of their mothers, and what path those mothers expected/desired their daughters to take.  As I stated above, Wolitzer has an excellent eye for observation, and it was a pleasure to read her vivid descriptions, bringing a spotlight to everyday occurrences. 

The book is infinitely discussable, and would be a good selection for book groups; points to ponder include:

• infidelity
• special needs
• widowhood
• privilege (class)
• city/suburbs
• infertility
• adoption
• eating disorders
• friendship of women, what is a “friend”?
• “keeping up with the Joneses”

Perhaps that was Wolitzer’s goal in writing this novel, to open up discussion on many, many topics.  The characters in her novel don’t lay out all the answers (for themselves, or for me), but life is like that, isn’t it?  As Wolitzer says in this New York Times article, “…that’s the kind of book I want, a book that doesn’t teach you anything but shows you the possibilities of things.”

Please read Meg Wolitzer’s guest post to learn her thoughts on how the us versus them attitude of the Mommy Wars may turn toward we’re all in this together in the current economic climate.