First up are two copies of Rachel Simmon’s The Curse of the Good Girl (my review).  A copy of this smart and practical book will be going to:

.

Next is an MP3 Audio [...]]]> I’ve had several giveaways running over the past week or so; here, in a combined post, I’ll announce the winners:

First up are two copies of Rachel Simmon’s The Curse of the Good Girl (my review).  A copy of this smart and practical book will be going to:

• #6 - Sandy
• #14 – amandasue

.

Next is an MP3 Audio of Thomas N. DeWolf’s Inheriting the Trade.  Tom DeWolf’s guest post tells why his topic is especially important for our time.  The audio is going to:

• #7 – Belinda M

.

In honor of BBAW we had five signed copies of Michael Greenberg’s memoir Hurry Down Sunshine.  Four will be shipped in the US/Canada to:

• #4 – Rebecca S. Cox
• #7 – Sue
• #18 – Julie
• #24 – Karen Haney

and one copy is heading internationally to:

• #29 – Violet (I’m sending this one to India)

Congratulations to all the winners!  Please send me your mailing address so we can get your prizes out to you.

As the mother of two girls, in frequent company of their friends, and a Grown-Up Good Girl myself, I found the case studies eye-opening, and the action plan smart and manageable.  [...]]]> Author Rachel Simmons has two copies of her new The Curse of the Good Girl:  Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence up for grabs!

As the mother of two girls, in frequent company of their friends, and a Grown-Up Good Girl myself, I found the case studies eye-opening, and the action plan smart and manageable.  If you’re a parent or educator of girls, you’ll want “in” on this drawing!

To enter the random drawing, simply leave a comment below.  Giveaway is open to US/Canadian mailing addresses only.

I’ll draw two winners on September 19.  Check comments on this post (perhaps “subscribe to comments” below) or look for the announcement with winning names after September 19.

9/20/09:   Winners announced!

A copy of this smart and practical book will be going to:

* #6 – Sandy
* #14 – amandasue

This post is now closed to comments.

Rachel Simmons, author of The Curse of the Good Girl (and another on my reference shelf, Odd Girl Out), will be hosting a workshop at the BPL.  Here are [...]]]> Attention all parents and educators of girls!  If you live in eastern Massachusetts or southern New Hampshire, you’ll want to mark Tuesday, September 29 on your calendar.

Rachel Simmons, author of The Curse of the Good Girl (and another on my reference shelf, Odd Girl Out), will be hosting a workshop at the BPL.  Here are the details, directly from the media flyer:

GET REAL:
A Girl Power Workshop for Girls and Adults
Join bestselling author and girl expert Rachel Simmons for a fun back-to-school workshop on confident self expression.  Rachel is celebrating the release of her new book, The Curse of the Good Girl:  Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. With her trademark sense of humor and down-to-earth style, Rachel will teach girls powerful tools to:

• -get the most out of friendships
• -express yourself with confidence
• -deal with conflict effectively

Tuesday, September 29
6:00 PM
BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY
Rabb Lecture Hall
700 Boylston Street
Boston, MA 02116

Adults will learn strategies to help girls access and express their authentic selves. Join us for an extended Q & A session plus a book signing! For more information, visit RachelSimmons.com

Please share this info with others who might benefit.  I believe the message is so important; I’m sharing it here on my blog as well as with our local Middle Schools, and with parents of adolescent girls.  As a Grown-Up Good Girl, I know it’s never to late to learn!

Back-of-the-book blurb: In The Curse of the Good Girl, Rachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails [...]]]> The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons
Hardcover: 288 pages
Publisher: The Penguin Press (August 25, 2009)
ISBN-13: 978-1594202186

Back-of-the-book blurb: In The Curse of the Good Girl, Rachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential.  Unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is a paradigm so narrowly defined that it’s unachievable.  When girls inevitably fail to live up-experiencing conflicts with peers, making mistakes in the classroom or on the playing field-they are paralyzed by self-criticism, stunting the growth of vital skills and habits.  Simmons traces the poisonous impact of Good Girl pressure on development and provides a strategy to reverse the tide.  At the core of Simmons’s radical argument is her belief that the most critical freedom we can win for our daughters is the liberty not only to listen to their inner voice but also to act on it.  At once expository and prescriptive, The Curse of the Good Girl is a call to arms from a new front in female empowerment.

She is Too Fond of Books‘ review: I read Rachel Simmons’ Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls about 5 or 6 years ago.  I was in a book group with wonderful women who had children around the same ages as mine.  One month we chose to read Simmons’ Odd Girl Out (mothers of girls) and William Pollack’s Real Boys:  Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (mothers of boys); lucky me, I got to read both!  Odd Girl Out really struck a chord, because each of us could already see this “hidden aggression” in our daughters’ peer groups; they were only in second grade at the time, but the “third wheel” snubbing, verbal bullying and “just kidding” (not!) teasing had begun.

The Curse of the Good Girl is a timely follow-up that not only cites dozens of real-life examples of how the desire to please can stifle a girl’s ability to show (and share) her true emotions, but also offers strategies to help our daughters break these habits and learn ways to express their authentic reactions and communicate their needs.

Here’s an example of Good Girl behavior from a conversation between my 13-year-old daughter (LW13) and me … it doesn’t get any more “real life” than that!  This happened within the last week: a neighbor called to ask if LW13 would walk her son home from the bus stop for the first few weeks of school.  He’s coming home to an empty house for about an hour, and Mom wanted to be sure he got in the house OK with the new routine – she said it was more for her comfort than his.  LW13 said she would “be happy to do that” and “oh, no, you don’t have to pay me” when the neighbor offered her $20 a week.  Here’s what we spoke about, later that afternoon:

me:  Did you and Mrs. K get all the details worked out?

LW13:  Yeah, I’ll just walk him home when I go up the hill.

me:  I was surprised to hear you say you wouldn’t take any money for it.

LW13:  Well, it’s not a big deal.  I’m coming off the bus anyway.  It was too much money; $20 for that is ridiculous.

me:  It is a commitment on your part though.  Could you have suggested a lower rate if you thought $20 was too much?

LW13:  Really, it’s not a big deal.  Does this have anything to do with that book you’re reading [hmm.  She's not only Good, she's Smart]

me:  Well, in a way.  I’ve been reading and thinking about how we value ourselves, and what it says to other people.  What do you tell people when they ask what you charge for babysitting?

LW13:  I tell them I usually get $7 an hour, but if that’s too much we can work something out.

me:  Work something out?  If your rate is $7, why would you sit for less?

LW13:  Because I want them to like me.  And maybe if they like me they’ll decide to pay me more.

She then asked if I was going to quote her!  I did ask her permission to share the conversation, and she understands that it’s illustrative and not mocking her answers to my questions.

Can you imagine the alarm bells going off as we had this chat?!  “I want them to like me” – wow!  I don’t think I would have pushed the initial conversation (about declining payment for walking the neighbor home), never mind fishing for telling statements in the rest of our dialogue if I hadn’t been alerted to these cues in The Curse of the Good Girl.  Simmons addresses the “I want them to like me” mindset :

Pay attention when she uses words like “nice” and “cool” to describe adults.  This is a sign that she may be applying the rules of friendship to professional relationships.  These are her first nonfamilial or social relationships, and she should understand the difference.  Your daughter needs to know that no matter how much she likes certain teachers or coaches, they are not her friends.  She will have many relationships in life where being liked is not the point, including those with a colleague, a doctor or lawyer, a boss or subordinate.  Personal connections with teachers are wonderful, but a teacher’s first priority is to teach, and your daughter’s goal is to learn.  A “nice” relationship with someone is not a precondition for working with or listening to her.

Simmons proceeds to give advice and strategies that parents can use when modeling Real World rules (as opposed to the Good Girl rules many girls are living by now).  Ultimately, the sooner we teach them Real World rules, the stronger they will grow, indeed thrive.

Reading this book has reminded me that I/we always need to be vigilant in spotting behaviors that many shrug off as casualties of adolescence, but are truly the foundation for life-long habits.  I’m recommending this book to my group that read Odd Girl Out, to mothers of daughters everywhere, and to women who may have some “Grown-Up Good Girl” in them.

Rachel Simmons has been touring radio and television with the release of The Curse of the Good Girl.  I was particularly struck by this audio interview from WAMC in Great Barrington, Massachusetts. In this clip, she defines the Good Girl paradigm and explains how it relates to Odd Girl Out.  Try the “sit like a man; sit like a woman” test on your daughter; then think about the message in those video game characters.  You’ll want to read more!

About the author:  A graduate of Vassar Collage, Simmons has been researching female aggression for over ten years.  She is the founding director of the Girls’ Leadership Institute, and consults with schools and organizations worldwide.  More information about the author and her workshops can be found at her Leadership for Life website.

Did you try “sit like a man; sit like a woman?”  What were the results?